22.8.02

Trials are Over. Yay. and bilfred wants me to be his guardian so he can get a tatoo. I think He is the reason why they place limitations on age for that kind of thing. *SHOCKWAVE* (8:28 PM) : bcoz it will score me some points, getting a tattoo a very misguided boy. And Nique is not having a good time either, She feels alone, and choked by life. She wants to get away from it all, but cant. She wants a person, to escape with, with no connections with her life. Somebody like me. I wish i could be that person, as her friend, nothing more. I really like her, and want to help her. But for reasons in the past, i cannot. (Renee). I suggested Meditation to her. It has helped me sometimes. i find music works. David Oldfield is a GENIUS. Tubular Bells. too bad i cant find it on cd. bloody bayley wants to come to all my parties. which would be fine, if he didnt want to stay here, with steph and i afterwards. i think he is fairly fragile at the moment, but its becoming a pain. i think he would like to see jenny again. oh well. maybe i will post some more later. i doubt it matters to anyone anyway.

8.8.02

I'm bored talking to steph. We are talking about shit. I dont know what to expect. I look to her for answers, or inspiration. Before we were together she inspired me, everytime i talked ot her. She didnt really like talking to me then, but i looked forward to it, every day. Things are different now. Sometimes she does, but rarely online. usually in person. Im talking to Bree. I havent spoken to her for a long time. She had a b/f in sydney just as i had renee. she goes to macquarie college, to which i was going to go, instead i went to avondale, which is a sister shcool to it. We had alot in common. and are actaully able to talk. She just left. I think the interest was one sided.
Most ppls lives are not happy. This is becoming more and more obvious. People who are rich worry. People who are poor worry. Nobody can do what they want. Everybody thinks they like doing the things that they don't. Shopping centres are the root of all of this. They trick us into thinking that we want what they have. Nobody is free. We (society) imprison ourselves. People are decensitised to not being free. The only freedom is to be away from society. At least figuratively. But this is hard, physically is much easier.

6.8.02

So life starts now? Interesting. I've decided to punctuate this, just for something different, althought i dont know how long it will last. I have decided not to go to school today. I have trials next week, but I'm sort of sick, and it's cold, and I'd rather stay here. And talk to you. I think I use being sick as an excuse more than I'm entitled to. I was at Stephs last night. And at a party on the weekend. Steph is my girlfriend (shudder, hate that term for some reason, as well as others). She was expressing a few thoughts of dissatisfaction about the fact that Jenny decided, in the absence of anywhere else to sit, to plonk herself down on my knees. This didnt make me too comfortable. There has never, nor will never be, anything with Jenny. Thats just how things are. Steph was somewhere else at the time. It kind of upset me that Steph was so irritated about it. She wasnt there, and only knew becasue Jenny mentioend it at school, yesterday, which worries me a bit. (the fact that it was mentioned that is). I didnt decieve her, i didnt even remember it untill it was mentioned. That whole thing kind of irritates me a bit. I am not the cheating type, or the type to take physical things lightly, which is what was implied. I didn't think it too appropriate to ask her to get off, I think that might have been rude. anyway. Water Rats is on. so im going to have lunch, and escape my life for an hour. maybe more later. oh, and please, if anyone should find this, give me some feed back.